. ", 61. (LogOut/ 02. Like the public. "Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, and not theyre coming for your Social Security money. of American cultural paradoxes.. The domain of this cookie is owned byOracle Eloqua. And they own all the big media companies, so that they control just about all of the news and information you hear. This cookie is set by Prebid Server. "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' Its because volunteers work for no pay. What if puberty blockers are a kind of sex crime? The Onions fictional editor board asked in a mockery of The Times concern-trolling on trans issues. How do school teachers handle this? George Carlin - Wikiquote They will do anything for the unborn. After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a. If You're Preschool, You're F*cked': Read George Carlin's Epic 1996 Rant Against Anti-Abortion Conservatives . ", 59. "I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. You don't. You have no choice! Everybody says they suck. "How can [God] be perfect? Determines whether the visitor has accepted the cookie consent box. ", 66. You have owners. Bing sets this cookie to recognize unique web browsers visiting Microsoft sites. He saw it from a . YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. Whenever some boomer try's to lecture you about how their first job in the 60s they only made $3 an hour, just remember, $3 in 1969 had the equivalent buying power as $25.01 today. The dmvk cookie is set by Dailymotion to record data of visitor behaviour on the website. 123 Rocky_Roku 1 yr. ago Didn't he say that he despised liberalism just as much as conservatism? This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. This cookie is used to track the behavior of a user within the current session. ", 122. Everybody complains about politicians. A provocative new photo shoot has the trolls losing their minds alongside the likes of Noel Gallagher, Bob Geldof, and Azealia Banks. Here is one I would suggest: 'Alcohol will turn you into the same a**hole your father was. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. From Life Is Worth Losing. -26 1amathrowaway 1 yr. ago ", 4. That's against their interests. This cookie is used as a unique identifier for the BlueConic profile. Here's Why George Carlin's 1996 Rant on Pro-Life Conservatives - Mic Amazon Pay uses this cookie to maintain a "session" that spans multiple days and beyond reboots. The truth is, we dont have people like that. ", 79. Did George Carlin have the best comedy routine on every political Weve also included some of his sketches from YouTube, viral videos of jokes you might have heard once or twice before. ", 35. "When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. '", 93. Ice Cube added the brief caption, "Facts.". It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. ", 65. 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. This cookie is set by the provider The Guardian. ", 112. He's not a cheese. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. This cookie is used to detect and defend when a client attempt to replay a cookie.This cookie manages the interaction with online bots and takes the appropriate actions. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. ", 16. Being woke, leading the charge in cancel culture, fighting censorship, and supporting those who are vulnerable and don't have a voice. "Sometimes people say, 'Do I try to make audiences think?' "Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. That's about as close as you could get to pegging him as any party affiliation. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. This cookie is set by Rubicon Project and is used for recording cookie consent data. ", 26. The challenge is to find it. George Carlin, What if there were no hypothetical questions? George Carlin, The planet is fine. George Carlin They Don't Give a Fu@k About You - YouTube George speaking the truth. The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. They own and control the corporations. ", 92. If you can't beat someone, arrange to have beaten him. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. "Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning. 'He's two' will do just fine. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. They dont give a fuck about you. This cookie is used by PwC to track individual visitors and their use of site. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. Thats what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. ", 38. 234. The cookies contains information that allows Prebid servers to distinguish between browsers and mobile devices. It will not be with jack-boots. But this week, his voice has brought to life a new anti-Trump video called America Wake Up, created by a. The late comedian often times poked fun at religion, politics, and social justice. ", 43. This cookie stores a visitor's unique identifier for Chartbeat tracking on the site. I think. ""If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. The demdex cookie, set under the domain demdex.net, is used by Adobe Audience Manager to help identify a unique visitor across domains. ", 81. Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. ", 25. This Cookie is used by Yahoo to anonymously store data related to user's visits, such as the number of visits, average time spent on the website and what pages have been loaded. "Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. "War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die. That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday. It helps in improving the performance. GEORGE CARLIN | They Don't Care About You - YouTube YouTube sets this cookie via embedded youtube-videos and registers anonymous statistical data. ", 37. This cookie is used for DNS Prefetch and HTTP2 Push. By the way, its the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. "A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. This cookie is used for advertising, site analytics, and other operations. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. I mean, life is tough. ", 13. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. 100 George Carlin Funny Quotes On Religion, Stupid People George Carlin: 'Rights Aren't Rights If Someone Can Take Them Away' the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big, red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day., This video is completely devastating for Trump. Trump did not fall to Earth from. "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? George Carlin's 'American Dream' Bit Has Prompted #AmericaWakeUp "Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? "It helps to remember this.. 1 Every year in January, WEF holds its annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland. This is a consent cookie set by Dailymotion to store the CCPA consent string (mandatory information about an end-user being or not being a California consumer and exercising or not exercising its statutory right). RLCDN sets this cookie to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". Two decades later, the anti-abortion movement hasn't really changed. The Strange Afterlife of George Carlin - The New York Times Pattern Integrity Films set the bit to photos and video clips from modern-day America and the result is devastating. - Arthur Baer. A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. You don't say that about cats. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. After that, they don't wanna know about you. . George Carlin on The Late Late Show with Tom Snyder 1998 RayHamburger 95K views 4 years ago George Carlin on the Illusion of Choice in Politics. Even right-wingers are getting tired of their queerphobic schtick. ", 40. "Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' From his infamous take on censorship with his NSFW "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" (which landed in the Supreme Court) to his nuanced rants on partisan politics and consumerism, Carlin not only made audiences laugh, but he challenged them to think independently and criticallyalbeit not entirely deliberately. Jesse Kelly wanted to whip his followers into homophobic outrage, but it sure AF didnt work. Everybody's . '", 70. 'They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They are irrelevant. After that, they don't want to know about you. And I didn't really care in the first place. Craziest Republican Quotes of the 21st Century, The Funniest Political Quotes of All Time, Funny Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes as Actor and Politician, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. The sp_t cookie is set by Spotify to implement audio content from Spotify on the website and also registers information on user interaction related to the audio content. Forget the politicians. ", Want more great quotes? This cookie is used to collect data on user behaviour and interaction to make advertisement on the website more relevant. Set aside 30 minutes to watch investigative journalist Whitney Webb speak with MintPress News in the video above. They own everything" "They've. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. It will not be with jack-boots. ", 4. You dont. George Carlin. They own and control the corporations. "If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? They're all in favor of the unborn. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? I'm your huckleberry. ", 102. ", 120. ", 101. When you leave them in the morning they stick their noses in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you return eight hours later. "Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. "Politicians are there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. This problem can be solved by pre-school children in 5-10 minutes. Everything He ever makesdies. George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. No nothing! ", 75. In fact, liberals are so successful at winning the culture war that they are alienating most Americans. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. This cookie, set by PubMatic, is used to build a profile of user interests and to show relevant ads. ", 6. What are George Carlin's political leanings? - Quora "People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. Carlin had 14 comedy specials, several published books and CDs, 5 Grammy awards, many TV and movie roles, and the title of being the first-ever host of Saturday Night Live, all under his belt. "If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all. They don't want to hear from you. Germany lost the Second World War. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. Maybe this time itll work. "It's never just a game when you're winning. "Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean that the circus has left town. I just dont have as many people who believe it. They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? ", 17. ", 9. "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. ", 77. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. This cookie expires after 30 minutes but the timer is reset if the visitor visits a new page on the site before the cookie expires. Facebook sets this cookie to show relevant advertisements to users by tracking user behaviour across the web, on sites that have Facebook pixel or Facebook social plugin. We havent tried that for a while. They dont want that. They should be more vivid. These current events and social issues that are relevant today . A cat . Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. ", 41. Take George Carlin, for example. Whats that, a bonus? This cookie is installed by Google Universal Analytics to restrain request rate and thus limit the collection of data on high traffic sites. "If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? Angie Kent - Latest news, updates, gossip, photos and video | Daily We're so self-important. This helps to distinguish between new, returning, and loyal visitors. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Simple thing. Quote by George Carlin: "Forget the politicians. The politicians are They own you. ", 104. Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president would have particularly peeved him. The rights and the rights of property. Thats right. ", Join half a million readers enjoying Newsweek's free newsletters. 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""Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. Over time, though, his success grew. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. ", 82. StackAdapt sets this cookie as a Random Identifier for user identification, to display relevant advertisements. Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. George Carlin : Designed to scare and control primitive people. "Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. As politicians and social media commentators weighed in on . This data helps to customize website content to enhance user experience. Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. ""These days many politicians are demanding change. ", 15. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. Doesnt give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. 125 George Carlin Quotes to Make You Laugh, Smile and Think You will be notified via email when a new post is published. "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. ", 68. Recorded on November 5, 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New York. ""Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Thats against their interests. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. George Carlin on the American Dream (with transcript) Everything He ever makes dies. You have no choice. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. It gloriously backfired, Dictionary.com just added several new LGBTQ+ words & also grundle, Love, drugs & the club: As a gay man, life looks different with a new disability, Kim Petras says the road to fame while trans was twice as long, School bans parents as a threat to kids over LGBTQ-affirming posts, Sam Smith is trending on Twitter and the discourse is truly Unholy. Nothing changed. If a dog can do it, you can watch. If you're born in America you get a front row seat. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. ""Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? You only get to hear cats. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. It's kind of bread-and-butter liberal (which during the counterculture 60s was pretty radical, but maybe not very en vogue with a younger crowd nowadays who are a bit more lefty). This narrative is based on a deliberate fiction. It enables the embedding of Mix Cloud audio player. The _omappvp cookie is set to distinguish new and returning users and is used in conjunction with _omappvs cookie. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? The Monday night crucifixions! "I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to. ", 11. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. This is the best we can do, folks. He missed this one. It also helps in fraud preventions. ", 72. "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin: 'Politicians don't actually say things, they INDICATE "I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the s**t out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. ", 28. George Carlin is Back from the Dead to Haunt Trump in Devastating 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. They own you. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. But once you're born, you're on your own. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Rubicon Project sets this cookie as an internal user identifier that stores user data to be used for analytics. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. September 12, 2019. These Politicians Don't Care About You At All - Medium The Great George Carlin. Remembering George Carlin : NPR This anonymous data helps us to better understand users' needs and customize the website accordingly. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. You show a clip of a young Richard Pryor and a young George Carlin on the set together with John Davidson. CMPS cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking based on user's website visits, for displaying targeted ads. "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. George Carlin: Back in Town (1996) - George Carlin as Self - IMDb These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. Which doesn't make any sense at all. George Carlin, I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. They own everything. "I have as much authority as the Pope. ", 113. ", 115. Because you have the illusion of choice. AshwaniGarg on Twitter: "RT @JamesMelville: "They own everything In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town , the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with. ", 34. ALEX COHEN, host: Carlin died yesterday of heart failure. I'm a cowboy who . The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. 120+ George Carlin Quotes On Politics, Government And Religion War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. The Religion and Political Views of George Carlin - Hollowverse Its called fucking with people! ", 2. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. You have no right to complain. Scorecard Research sets this cookie for browser behaviour research. "People always tell me 'Have a nice day.' 2005 George Carlin bit narrates ad on 2020 American reality - Fast Company No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. NID cookie, set by Google, is used for advertising purposes; to limit the number of times the user sees an ad, to mute unwanted ads, and to measure the effectiveness of ads. Hes all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just cant handle money! George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dreambecause you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly. George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking.