But you realize we are not allowed to talk except every ten years." The man replies "Fine." Ten years go by and the man goes into the abbot's office. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak, and finally the drunk replies, No use knockin buddy theres no paper in this one either!. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. The Catholic said mine is powerful, the Buddhist said, no, mine is powerful. Thanks for this. 17 reviews of St. Anne Catholic Community "So I practically live at St. Anne's, between teaching Catechism, being Spiritual Chair for the Young Adults group, and several other ministries. In case you didnt know, some saints were well-known for having a good sense of humor. "Just water," says the priest, fingers crossed. Jokes about Catholics proved particularly popular, and not just satirical gags about the sexual peccadillos of some Catholic priests, which dominated the final list of the 10 most offensive jokes. He asked the parrot: This is what they received falling down from heaven: A policeman notices and pulls him over. The minister says, Life begins at 24 weeks gestation. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why hes laughing. "Protestant." Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. The rabbi looks the boy over and says to the priest, "out of what?". The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. "But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed." "I admit that wasn't good, but you did it . One more and I'll have a golf course. The Nun gasps and says, "What did you just say?". Become a Catholic priest and get them now. He got to the part of the Easter story where Jesus said, "And one of you shall betray Me." Priest: Do you believe in the resurrection of the body andlife everlasting? "How long has it been since your last Confession ?" Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence.' He said, "I lava you so much!". Next I asked a catholic priest. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." "I said I want to be a prostitute," Suzy repeats. 25 Hilarious Lent Jokes Even Non-Catholics Can Enjoy - Pleated Jeans I said, "Me too! Cop: More. by Javier Moreno. "I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist. T'is a shame, I tell ya!" Read more: So, a Catholic walks into a bar during Lent. "There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!" The priest shakes his head. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Need a laugh? The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. St. Peter says no. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Let me go find out,' and he left. Cam42. 20 related questions found. Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?" Liven up the last days of Lent with these jokes, and tell us yours That makes it so convenient for your church members. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate. "Mom!"she yelled toward the living room. When you read other Top Ten Film lists, consider that the journalists do not give equal weight to docs, animation and dramatic features, nor foreign versus American indies and studio pictures. "Yes," said the parrot. However - Father John - that flashing neon sign that says - "TOOT and TELL or GO TO HELL" - has GOT TO GO!!! "I've never been to Confession. 5. He had wonderful, innovative ideas - that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation. "Clarence," said the bird. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. Lost on a rainy Friday night, a priest stumbles into a monastery and requests shelter there. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. I guess I'll go to this new denomination down the road; no tellin' what they believe Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?" But the Pope persists, "Please?" Jared shook his head. The priests says, It begins at conception. What do you call a Catholic toaster strudel? After many long years of faithful companionship, the dog finally died, so Muldoon went to the parish priest: While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didnt work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? As the baker is working, the boy yells out, "My momma says there was a fly in the raisin bread.". The priest, beginning to think he may have been a bit harsh, nudged the man and apologized. You might be Southern Baptist if. How St. Lawrence became the patron saint of comedians - Aleteia There are about 500 acres of land, with mountains and lakes and rivers. On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. "What did you say?!" The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St Peter to a mansion. 114 Bible Jokes That'll Lift Your Spirits | Bored Panda -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. These are quite funny, thank you for sharing them. "I've got 17 wives. "What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!" The nun teaching the class asks, "Where do you sense Jesus in your life?" They have mass. Another ten years goes by and the man goes into the abbots office and says Waters cold. Top 11 Funny Catholic Puns - Best-puns.com Father turns to the other brother and says, "Then you must be." The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Doberman Jesus." He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.". Here are ten Catholic Jokes that are sure to give you a chuckle! Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com. The Jezzie said he wanted to teach at the world's most famous university, and poof, he was gone! This happens yet again. What denomination?" With your elbow, push button 301. 25 Jokes You Can Only Laugh At If You Went To Catholic School . The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. The great (and tragic) comedy of going to confession I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. He said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. A priest and a bus driver both died and went to Heaven at the same time. Me: I do. "What did you say?!" Catholic Jokes - Priest Jokes - Jokes4us.com. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. The priest said, "But that's not a sin! All Rights Reserved. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, "You know, I hardly ever get to drive. the one asked. Here are ten Catholic Jokes that are sure to give you a chuckle!SOCIAL MEDIA:\rBlog: https://goo.gl/QuB4ra\rFacebook: https://goo.gl/UoeKWy\rTwitter: https://goo.gl/oQs6ck\rInstagram: https://goo.gl/ShMbhH\rPodcast: https://goo.gl/xqkssG\r\rINTERESTED IN BECOMING A FRIAR?\rHoly Name Province: https://goo.gl/MXKb2R\rFind your Vocation Director: https://goo.gl/2Jc52z\r\rSUPPORT THE MISSION\rOrder my books: https://amzn.to/386QDpR\rDonate Monthly: https://goo.gl/UrrwNC\rOne-time gifts: https://goo.gl/eKnFJN\r\rMUSIC\rEpidemicsound.com One more and I'll have a golf course.". The priest replied, "I mean her legs. And it gets stopped at the door by the bishop. 25 Jokes You Can Only Laugh At If You Went To Catholic School An elderly man walks into a confessional. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. He says "leave me alone, god will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Little Timmy says, "I can feel Jesus' presence during Mass." God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of . Jesus looks over and says, "I really hate it when you do that, Mom." The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" Privacy Policy. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the flesh. The third Catholic woman says smugly, Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. "Well what was it then"? I was just reading here that the Pope does.. 10. Exclaims the priest His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. The first one tells her friends, My son is a priest. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have 17 wives. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot: "What's your name?" Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912." Priest: Do you believe in the Holy Spirit and the holy Catholic church? Roman Catholic Cartoon 10 of 269 results 'Do you have any previous experience as a Pope?' Cartoonist: Huw Aaron. The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- She replies, "Because I swallowed the first. A young catholic boy goes in for his first confession. Pat asked in shock and disbelief, "Is nothing holy to those Jewish rabbis? A boat comes along and asks to help him. The nun, obviously confused, asks why Johnny thinks this. 42 Hilarious Catholic Puns - Punstoppable A man walked up to a Franciscan and Jesuit and asked, "How many novenas must you say to get a Mercedes Benz?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. An elderly man bursts into a priest's study and says, " I've got to tell you this. 45 Funny Christian Jokes. In tribute to Rivers, who died Thursday . The particle replies "you can't have mass without me. A young Jewish boy, being an obedient son, goes to the bakery to deliver a message from his mother to a very busy and very overworked baker. The bishop says, "Sir, I can't allow you in here." God, O.P. Can you help us? He had wonderful, innovative ideas - that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation. Want to see fewer ads on Aleteia? ", Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump. Man replies "Who is that?" Copyright A.D. 33. Are you Catholic or Protestant?" The priest again pondered the question before responding "Then I would become Pope!" The priest shakes his head Catholics of Reddit what are some of your funniest Catholic jokes? 10. The local parish had a fairly new priest. He is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Francis." At Marias funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, At last, theyre finally together. When she finally got there, she was astonished to find there was no . Answers To Teens' Toughest Questions On Dating And Sex 10 Great Questions For Catholics To Ask Before Watching A Movie QUIZ: 12 Questions All Catholics . -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7 Clean Hilarious Church Jokes To Use In Sermons - ChurchTechToday I didn't get it, i was raised catholic. She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face said, "Don't sell that cow. He replied, "No money in the bank." Some of those were absolute side-spliters! "Why did the superior allow you to smoke and not me?" I said, "Me too! Best Irish jokes #1 The Irish pub: Sitting in a bar the Scotsman says, "As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. "Yes," says the priest, "your legs.". Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?' St. Peter says "This will be yours for eternity. The boy asks, "Why do you say that father?" 44. The copy goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc. Looking for a good laugh? "Yes" is the reply, so the father takes him to the nuns and leaves. Do you have any idea how long itll take me to find a lawyer?. More like a Catholic church. The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". Papa they mean business! As Proverbs 17:22 declares, "a joyful heart is good medicine.". "Me too! So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back. St. Peter drops off the priest, goes back to the pearly gates and motions to the bus driver. The Catholic church is considering going all-in on gluten-free wafers At risk is cross-contamination.