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The first author analyzed the transcripts line by line, which was read repeatedly and thematically analyzed for their contents. It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. She also stated that "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayers and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." Polygamy is a practice in which a person is married to more than one person at the same time, most commonly a man to several wives. "If it's mostly. Another common stereotype that is associated with females is to give birth to only female children which increasing the ratio of female infanticide because some men are in favor of only male children. A false rumour that men in Eritrea would be legally obliged to marry at least two women went viral this week. LDS doctrine leaves potential for 'eternal polygamy' - The Spectrum disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy The Journal of Social Psychology. Can I marry second wife? There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Gabe and I won't have that. After her husbands second marriage she said, I moved to a separate household, to me, it works best because I dont have to see her (co-wife) come into the house to visit my husband. 2008; 42(2), 103-117. A lady was working in front of her husbands' clinic and usually visited the clinic. She told that My in-laws had not good relationships with the first wife of my husband. Prevalence of mental health problems in women in polygamous versus monogamous marriages: A systematic review and meta-analysis. 1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? Its like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. Polygamy, Brigham Young and His 55 Wives | HuffPost Religion Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? How Polygamy Works | HowStuffWorks They are sister wives, which means they have a friendship as well. She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. Miss Nadia was the second wife of Mr. Imam. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Polygamy | The First Amendment Encyclopedia - Middle Tennessee State So, she accepted this relationship. What are the advantages of being a 'second' wife in Islam? As - Quora "I have no physical disability that perhaps could've prompted his decision, he just decided that he needed a second wife," she says. 2014; 5(27): 1058-1058. Whats not typically expected is becoming a second wife. The purpose of this study is to investigate married womens experiences in polygamous marriages and their ways of coping to accept this relationship. For the majority of these women, infertility, love marriage by husband, lack of social and financial support, and fear of divorce were the cited reasons for allowing co-wives in their marriage. The Quranic prescription for polygamy suggests that men can marry two, three or four wives (but not the other way round, naturally). Polygamy is the general, gender-neutral term for any marriage between three or more people.Polygyny is a specific term used to describe a marriage that includes one husband and at least two wives. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR, Ben-Shimol-Jacobsen S. Attitudes toward and reasons for polygamy differentiated by gender and age among Bedouin-Arabs of the Negev. I told her that if it was going to make her unhappy I would forget about the whole idea. Being a step-parent can be a very . The psychological health of women is essential to raising a sound, healthy family and should receive high priority, particularly in developing countries where resources are limited. Jankowiak W, Sudakov M, Wilreker BC. Poly Frequently Asked Questions: Part 1 - MuslimMatters.org Unfortunately, those stereotypes are not accurate. Jealousy is something almost everyone is afflicted with at some point and just because someone chose to be in a polygamous marriage doesn't mean they deserve less sympathy than anyone else. If that doesnt help, she can then approach his elders and explain exactly what it is thats happening and how shed like them to help. A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but what about a marriage that ends? During my final two years in my first marriage, I was constantly telling my friends how I wanted to make my relationship work. I'm seven months pregnant. Appointments were previously taken and the interviews were conducted at their places for their convenience. Since that we gave importance, care and love toward each other, i accept his proposal. Mrs. Tanveer (first wife) has accepted the co-wife relationship because to her religion has allowed the man for multiple wives. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." Instead it is the familiar routine of waking to an arm around your waist, the companionable bathroom talk with mouths full of toothpaste, and the idea that someone will know if you dont make it home at night. In Pakistani culture, infertility can be one of the reasons but exploring other factors like love marriage and family pressure, and religious reference are also common factors. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and. Second marriages also have a much larger cast of characters than any first marriage. Both were a happy couple with 2 boys and 1 baby girl. She believed that by allowing for a co-wife, she too would be blessed to have a child. As of early 1842, Brigham Young was a contented monogamist. Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. In rare cases, men have carried on double lives, marrying two women and supporting two families, with neither wife knowing about the other. Her ex-husband died. These themes emerged in 3 main themes as Causes of polygamy, outcomes of polygamy, and coping strategies of polygamous women. Women in polygamous marriages suffering psychological torture Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Psychosocial and familial functioning of children from polygynous and monogamous families. 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So infertility and no male child is the main factor to permit polygamy by the wives [8]. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. Opponents of decriminalization say the current law should not be changed because polygamy is inherently dangerous and harmful to women and children, particularly young girls, some of whom have. She almost lost her life I couldnt bear the thought of losing her. He kisses the back of Lillians hand as he talks. Islam allows men to marry up to four wives at one time but the condition is to maintain equality and Justice in all the possession whatever a man holds in material means [1]. This is by far the most common (and the most frequently legal) form of polygamy. Im raising my son to be a responsible man who will not look down on women, like my father does, she says. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry received 934 citations as per google scholar report, Research Article - ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (2021), Received: 20-Nov-2021 There is polygamy in Russia, and here is how it works She told she was also present during the delivery. Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives they were twins, she recalls. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. Mrs. Imam, Mrs. Ahmad, Mrs. Kamran, and Miss Nadia also admitted co-wives relationship and compromised with this relationship (Table 3). Eleven women participated in the study. But thats not how it works out for everyone. I am the grown-up woman he married as a grown-up man. The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". The real term for that arrangement is polygyny, "the practice or condition of having more than one wife at one time." Poly was defined above, and -gyny probably looks familar, from words like misogyny and gynecology: it's the Greek gyne, "woman." Lower risk that people get bored in a marriage. Hence, before you embark on your marital journey, you must understand the second marriage problems and how to handle them. King MT. Relationships come and go, and thats to be expected. To find out the reasons for multiple spouses by men. She said, 2nd wife of my husband also helps me in daily households activities. You feel the need to establish more control over the decisions of your partner. Should we accept polygamy as a reality? - the-star.co.ke These are jealousy, poor marital satisfaction, unhealthy competition, lack of trust, and many other mental health problems [12]. Ja, I like these young ones, Lillian interrupts and they all laugh. Could be many factors, but since a person in the marriage has already gone through a divorce, the option seems available and not as scary. It doesnt mean that it cant be wonderful. You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. What's popular and why. They adhere to the rules that all three of us set for them, like normal children. Zakhele walks in with his youngest brother, Thembekile*, 2, in his arms. In some countries like India, Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, Algeria, Lebanon, Morocco, Jordan, and Kuwait allow a woman to include a clause prohibiting polygyny in marriage contacts. What Term Describes Your Relationship: Polygyny, Polyamory, Monandry? composed of two imperfect people. My husband is as much a second husband as Im a second wife. Polygamy.com. It protects the families from contracting sexually transmitted diseases and possible deviation to an illegal sexual association [3]. Crookston EM. You didnt grow up thinking; I cant wait until I meet a divorced man! His first marriage counted. In the modern-day polygamy is not as much disputed as in the past. Dealing with your partner's baggage. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. They were much younger than my mother, just eight years older than me. However, it is possible that a person is confronted with circumstances whereby he is unable to uphold his righteousness and purity, whilst maintaining relations with a sole lady, who happens to undergo periods of menstruation, pregnancy, delivery, suckling, and other forms of ailments, etc. But the . International Journal of Mental Health. Cross-Cultural Research. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. It was an arranged marriage. A sample of 11 polygamous women was included through snowball sampling from the different cities of the province of Punjab, Pakistan with an age range of 18-50 years. Mormon women fear eternal polygamy, study shows. Why does Islam allow polygamy? - Islam Ahmadiyya For example, many people view second wives as cheating, homewreckers, and gold diggers. Mrs. Arslan was the first wife of her husband. Not many people like a second wife. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. We may also learn that if we dont want to get hurt again, to put up a wall, or other such adjustments. The findings were consistent may be due to cultural and religious resemblance because Al-Krenawi and his colleagues conducted their study in Arab states. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. Mrs. Kamal also has a good relationship with her co-wife. According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. 5. So, I was second selection of my in-laws." Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. She stated out of sight, out of mind, She preferred the living arrangement. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". But few years passed her husband was involved with another lady and married after few years. The difficulty is usually with the first wife. Will You Be Denied U.S. Citizenship Based on Polygamy, Bigamy - Nolo One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. What's it like being a second wife in Malaysia? 4 sobering realities However later on she has also accepted co-wife because of infertility and destiny. Social Change. And reassure her of your love. They found his second wife together a woman who was a regular on one of his taxi routes. READ MORE:Surviving a polygamous marriage. disadvantages of being a second wife islam Judge Nenney says every week she hears cases where a couple is charged for having sex outside marriage. I would also like to add that polygamy is not a staple in Islamic culture, nor is it a tradition. What kind of man has three wives and no job? The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. Understanding the Increase in Moral Acceptability of Polygamy - Gallup.com The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. Islam allows for a man to marry up to 4 wives rather illegal relationship. In a home with more than one wife, what happens when problems arise? Some second wives may have unknowingly become #2 and had thought they were in monogamy, until the husband plucks up the courage to reveal they have . To seek the coping strategies to accept the new relationship by co-wives. Changes to the law have meant that women in customary marriages now have more protection than before. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). All the above shows that there is really no marriage between the both parties. We speak to the wives of a polygamist who say their domestic - Drum She was divorced from her second husband because of infertility and the first time her husband died of an illness. As when co-wives share their domestic chores, and other responsibilities of the family they become less possessive with time about their partners. But that's not the case in Canada, says Imam Hamid Slimi of the Sayeda Khadija . The participants expressed the usage of different coping Strategies in polygamous marriage as religion, fate, compromise, and sisterly bond with co-wives. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Marriage Counseling vs. She said," My husband helped me to survive emotionally and financially". Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mother's experience was awful. 5. How to Become a Polygamist: 9 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow He was a handsome 25-year-old who worked as a miner, and when he asked her gogo if he could marry Lillian, Nomqondiso agreed. Sharing household chores: Mrs. Tanveer with time accepted her co-wife and living in the same home. Avoiding adultery According to WorldCat, 99 percent of polygamous married men use this reason as justification for their undertakings. You find yourself constantly comparing yourself with his ex-wife. 2020; 24: 339351. mortality is outrageously high and t Six were first (senior) wives, four were second wives, and one was the 3rd wife in status. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. Tandler N, Petersen LE. 2014. An analysis of 11 cases of polygamous women transcribed verbatim showed a cluster of themes as infertility or having only female children, love marriage of husband, family pressure, the relationships among co-wives, and their coping strategies to accept this relationship in their marital life. Mrs. Kamal was also a childless first wife from the past 6-8 years and she accepted a co-wife rather than divorce. This practice of taking on another wife while still married to the first one is called polygamy, not to be confused with origami - which is the art of folding colored papers. Polygamy in Egypt: Why I Decided to Marry a Second Wife - Cairo Scene But over the years, as we get in our 30s and 40s, we mature and realize that life just happens, no matter if you plan for other things. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. The impact of polygamy on women's mental health: A - ResearchGate She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. She said that time was very painful for me and my little daughters. So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. New Kenya law legalizes polygamy; women's group applauds | CNN These reasons are in line to some extent with the current outcomes as infertility and having only female children was also one of the major factors for polygamous marriage. I will make another video using your. Polygamy: As Supreme Court decides on banning it, here's how Muslim You feel stuck and feel as if you do not belong where you are. Struggles in Being a Second Wife in Islam - Zawaj.com Though plural marriage is banned in developed courtiers, it is surprisingly common, and popular, that 55% of the women share their husbands in developed countries while an average of 16% of women in less developed nations. Love and (Polygamous) Marriage? Too many people are dying because of the conflict between monogamy and polygamy. Jul 20, 2016, 1:53 AM. How to become a second wife and why many women now embrace it Polyandry is a specific term used to describe marriages between one wife and at least two husbands. But in Pakistan and Iran, only consent is required from the first wife and need to show it in the court as proof for the second wife. In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). His actions went against the traditional practice of asking for her permission and mediating until a solution is found, but legally he was within his rights. She told, "I used to cry in isolation". She always imposes a fine of 5,000 Malaysian ringgit (around $1,700) and six strikes of a cane. And another wife Mrs. Kamal reported," in the beginning when I thought about the second wife I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurts me." In most cases the husband will go back to the wife and apologise after his elders have spoken to him. In the normal course of events theres no need for formal structures in polygamous relationships as the wives usually work most things out for themselves, he says. In a previous study by the perceived advantages of polygyny included sharing house chores and child-rearing similarly in the present study most of the polygamous women were reported particularly the infertile women helped the co-wives to bring up their children as well as daily household activities. Therefore, in line with the objectives of this study, qualitative interviews were a superlative choice for inductive approaches aimed at generating concepts and hypotheses that have far more potential for research than any other model. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. She described that she was completely alone with her daughters after her husband's second marriage. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. polyandry, marriage of a woman to two or more men at the same time; the term derives from the Greek polys, "many," and anr, andros, "man." When the husbands in a polyandrous marriage are brothers or are said to be brothers, the institution is called adelphic, or fraternal, polyandry. Its a hard stigma to run away from and can lead to many second marriage challenges. She does not have an apartment . Objectives: The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. While in past empirical tests showed that children are strategic complements. Decisions made by two people in first families are often made or influenced by four or more adults in stepfamilies. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. In another study man's wife having been diagnosed with a mental health problem, infertility, a man has only daughters or having children mentally and physically sick or man's wife older than he is, and exchange marriage are common reasons were discussed in a previous study. 1. ConCourt: Second wife only with first wife's say-so - Daily Maverick The second wife will have all of these extra people in her life that she never bargained for and it can be a lonely or isolating feeling. 'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. One wife raises her fertility in response to an increase by the other wife because to them children are the best claim to resources controlled by the husband [22,23]. She said that she and her husband was working in the same organization. Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. Polyamory is not just about sex, both Farmer and Schippers point out, whereas open marriages, open relationships and swinging tend to emphasize the sexual parts of a relationship. Kadyrov's second wife also has a place to stay in Moscow, with three apartments registered in her name. 3. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. Here are 9 challenges of being a second wife to watch out for: Oh, this is your second wife. There is just something you feel from people when they realize you are the second wife; like you are the consolation prize, only second place. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. I realized, several years after I remarried, that one of my oldest friends never quite forgave me for getting on with life after my divorce. Mrs. Mustafa though convinced her husband of second marriage but she said I was very much distressed and lonely after the 2nd marriage of my husband. Causes and Consequences of Polygamy: an Understanding of Coping He might marry a second wife before his divorce is complete, for example. Dont be too quick to bash him, Lillian advises other women in her position. How do I marry my second wife in Morocco? - 2023 There is splitting the assets, each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. Mrs. Mustafa was another 1st wife. The female sharia law judge who decides if men can take a second wife The polygamy hoax that spread from Iraq to Eritrea - BBC News Also, if your husband has financial problems, he had no right to marry you in the first place. Both verbal and written consent was obtained. Polyandry | marriage | Britannica International Nursing Review. What it's like to be in a polygamous marriage? Muslim Malaysians share